northsong

If only the title were true, or as simple as just done….I would sink into it like it were the finest chocolate pudding on earth, feeling fully satisfied. 

Yesterday, I started the day off with just one smoke left, somehow my counting was off or I smoked one more than I thought.  So…here I was, first thing in the morning and only one smoke left.  If it weren’t for the commitment I made in the start of this journey, I would have crumbled, drove to the store to buy more because I had one more day left-today should have been the 1 smoke day, the last day. 

I didn’t crumble, although, I had it on my mind(ALL DAY), I was totally weak in the knees all day, kept dropping and running into things…Like those people in that commercial on TV where they can’t seem to do certain things without a smoke in hand, that was me, later on yesterday.  And this morning, I woke up at 3 something and did not really go back to sleep, my mind was there, tick, tick, tick.  When I got up this morning, had a problem with coughing a lot too.  

Reality is, the real journey begins today, the first day without smokes.  I feel like a prize fighter getting ready to go into the ring before a fight.  Getting tape on my hands to protect them…putting on the gloves, nice and tight….lacing up my shoes, nice and tight…I have to be ready for this journey, because here it is.  It took me 20 days to get here.  Now that I am here, what do I do?  The opponent is my own mind, and how it will find ways to stress me into choosing to weaken and give in.  NOT HAPPENING TODAY!   This part of the journey is the hardest, and the easiest of all.  I should know that better than anyone since I have done it so many times. 

With ANY ADDICTION, the journey away from it, it’s familiarity, is hard and easy at the same time.  DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE ADDICTION IS, YOUR LIFE IS WORTH MORE THAN THE THING THAT IS CONTROLLING IT!  Stop supporting that which is made to steal away the very thing that makes you human> your soul.  The statement, ‘This is the first day of the rest of your life’, is so relevant for me at this moment…having clarity with this has been really useful to identifying feelings and emotions I have tied with smoking all my life.  Some, I might never let go of, who knows.  It’s amazing that I did it this time, no patch, no gum, no anything to help. except this blog, LOL isn’t that a fantastic notion?

As far as the next 20 days…with any addiction or habit, it takes 7 days to be hooked, it takes 21 days to break it.  Let’s see how many times I can hit the wall in the next 21 days, believe me I will share…hehehe.  I need to find more things to do with my naturally hyper personality, I was working on a business plan, something meaningful to do with my future…maybe there will be the focus to take my mind off smoking.  More later.

Thanks> for following this epic journey of mine(this is my lifetime nemesis), sorry if anyone thought it was boring or dumb, but my thought is if it helps even just one person to make that step toward quitting an unhealthy addiction, it was worth the time for me.   I appreciate the comments, and how fitting the blog host…no day like TODAY. 

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